Bittersweet

 And I GOT that job... I'm surprised I didn't come here to celebrate instead I've been quietly processing everything, the offer, the documents, the wardrobe, the AI headshot..., etc. 

But what I really want to reflect on is today, when I finally gave my 2-weeks notice first thing I headed in the pharmacy. Right after I broke the news it came a moment of silence. Then I immediately head towards the mall atrium for Nick..... At that moment the flash back of March came --- I first mustered up all my courage to ask Andrew for a raise which I eventually did not get, then right after I headed towards Nick to ask him out, which did not happen cuz he's unavailable. How interesting was it the few seconds I was walked towards him in the hallways all of these memories came back --- the disappointment of the raise and the failed attempt with Nick—is my mind acknowledging the contrast. But today, it was me walking proudly and gracefully, preparing myself to close this chapter of my life, with the pharmacy and Nick. As soon as I told him about my resignation and the last day being the 28th, he told me "ohhh funny cuz the 28th happens to be... my birthday". He seemed unsure when he told me but I guess he spoke before his overthinking stopped him, and he shared that with me. Immediately I wished him a happy early birthday, and then his eyes softened and voice dipped. He wanted to know where I'll be going next and I was half stuttering half tripping on my speech but I told him softly about the fertility centre and that it's a good place for me. He told me he was happy for me that I found somewhere I like, he didn't look very happy but it was certainly bittersweet. I then said I'll make sure to say goodbye and happy birthday to him on my last day and we could still talk before then, "oh yeah for sure", same thing he said back in March when I found out he has a girlfriend and I said we could still talk in the hallway. 

I know both Andrew, Nick AND even Henry the boss were happy for me. I've been wanting to get out of this place for a long time, when the time finally comes, the sentiments hit. 

I won't forget Nick, though, he doesn't know he played a very important role as my emotional fuel when I most needed it. Maybe my presence means something to him too, not that we'll ever let each other know.